


Director's Commentary: Why Sam?

by astrothsknot



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/F, Gen, M/M, explaining my genius, nowhere else to stick it, only here for completeness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21620161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrothsknot/pseuds/astrothsknot
Summary: Done for the Director's Commentary meme on LJ about 2007, in which authors did a Director's Commentary of a reader chosen fic.Tigriswolf asked for Why Sam?I'm always one to gab about how my brain works and this was the result.If you so inclined with anything else, I'm always happy to oblige.
Relationships: Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 1





	Director's Commentary: Why Sam?

Why Sam? Commentary for [](https://tigriswolf.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**tigriswolf**](https://tigriswolf.dreamwidth.org/)  
  


Title: Why Sam? **God, I had so many different names for this fic, some were based around angels. Others were based around the xc-nn lyric “Early Days”**

Tomorrow I’ll find my perfect double  
Of the world, will it be a he or her?  
This perfect double  
This half of me, will I wish to join it?  
Will it wish to join me?

Author: Astrothsknot  
Fandom: Supernatural  
Series: Imitating Angels - AU **It wasn’t originally part of my AU verse, it was honestly a meta on Jess and Dean, but all my fics are interchangeable and related to each other, so I moved and made it part of my AU. Works on its own though.  
**Pairing: Sam/Jess  
Rating: R **I wasn’t sure how much sex was going in this  
** Disclaimer: Kripke’s, not mine  
A/N for Frayen’s prompt of Pillow Talk. Sam always talks after sex. Jessica listens because she’d tell the truth if she spoke. **I’d written Wincest, which I hate writing and it had killed my het/gen for three weeks. I asked for prompts and Frayen left one of Pillow Talk. In an effort to kickstart my brain, I re-read my preseason metas. In the space of a night this was written and posted. Not a word of it was changed in beta-ing. Missyjack is awesome.**

She listens to the rise and fall of Sam’s voice, feeling it rumble through his chest. **I have a kink for Padalecki’s voice. In my porn, he always talks dirty. But here’s he’s just talking. It’s not what he’s saying that matters.** He’s pulled her tight against him, to keep her safe, keep her exclusive.

His.

Sam ‘n’ Jess. **I wanted that sense of safety, timelessness and exclusivity you get when you lie with your lover.**

She likes that idea. She’s no choice but to like the idea, but she thinks she would, if she were given the choice. **I’m bringing in here Jess’s purpose. She’s come to like her assignment.**

She wonders sometimes, about the _Other_ , the one she was designed to replace, until this _Other_ returns for him. **She’s got to wonder. Wouldn’t you? And this is the extension of “The Demon has Plans For Me.” Dean and Sam are meant to hunt. Choice and circumstance make it that way. If Sam is so important, TPTB wouldn’t let him run amuck.**

Dean

. She rolls his name around in her head like a charm, something miraculous to ward away sin. **It’s in the way she says “Your _brother_** , **Dean?” Like he’s this mythical figure.**

But that’s her task. She pauses for a second in her reverie; Sam has stopped talking, like he’s said something that requires an answer. She searches quickly for the right thing to say - she always knows the right thing to say. **She has to be quick on her feet. Sam works through words, talking.**

“What, Babe?” she says as she leans up to him, kisses his lips gently. He smiles against her kiss.

“All those guys in the bar that night? What was it about me?” **I’ve always been bothered by the comment Dean made, “I gotta tell you, you are _way_ outta my brother’s league.” He wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true. That’s what got me thinking, “She was assigned there.”**

She’s not allowed to lie, but she can’t tell him the truth either. “You on that again? Can’t you just accept your incredible good luck?” **I read somewhere that angels can’t lie. I liked that. She can’t tell the whole truth, though because he has to come back to the hunt of his own free will.**

“No. I don’t believe in luck.” **Not with his past.**

“You were the only guy that I could look up to.” **Can’t argue with that.**

Sam laughs.

She can’t tell him that it took months of making sure she caught his eye in their mutual classes, **I read a fic once where Sam had hunted Jess like anything else he hunts, research and a plan. He’d want a girl with certain qualities that he associates with the life he thinks is normal, the apple pie life. I’m also of the opinion that Sam is a sociopath and I could see him doing that. But here it’s Jess who’s making all the overtures. Hunting him.** making sure he was out in the bar on his 21st birthday, turning down offers from all quarters. **I’ve worked out that Jess and Sam got together some time around his 21 st, so why not on his 21st. **Engineering that game of body shots **Pheebs1 wrote me comment porn to the prompt of Tequila Gold which was Sam and Jess‘s first time over and it all starts with body shots. That‘s part of my personal fanon** \- he’d never have touched her otherwise. Saw it in his face when she walked across and challenged him - _body shots for the birthday boy -_ like the Other, like Dean.

It’s something he would do, that recklessness, that _joie de vive._ They knew that’s what Sam would go for, find attractive - he’s used to his other half having those qualities. **I don’t mean this in a Wincesty way. I mean it in the sense that Sam is used to being part of a double act and it would hurt to have that split, so he’d go looking for someone who shared those same qualities, so Jess was designed with them in mind. Jess to me, in the scenes we see and the deleted scenes struck me as very like Dean.**

But she can’t tell him that. He can’t know…not until _after._ **Jess dreads it.**

She doesn’t want to think about _after_. **She loves Sam and can’t think of her existence without him**

It makes her kiss Sam with an intensity he can’t understand, every chance she gets. She wants to, needs to make the most of every moment. She can’t keep her hands off him.

She hopes that it’s years before He comes for her. **My theory is that there is a war in Hell - Mammon tired of his Father’s rule - that’s spilling out into this plane. Good can’t interfere directly, but has arranged it so that certain people will be capable of fighting. Unfortunately, these people can also be used by the other side.** That happens sometimes - it was years before he came for Mary, Sam’s mother. She was allowed have children. She doesn’t believe the theory that she was meant for Sam to suffer her loss. He doesn’t recall her, just the vague concept of Mother. **I’ve always been struck by the fact that Sam picked a woman who looked like his mother and his brother. Even Demon Tom looked like Dean. I’m sure that was deliberate, but got lost along the way.**

The loss of Lover will hit him far deeper. **I don’t believe that Mary’s death was about Sam. I think it was about John. There was speculation at the beginning that John was psychic also. I think he was, but not like Sam. Mary was killed to make John suffer.**

Her tongue sweeps the roof of Sam’s mouth and he groans, hands coming round to caress the wide, thick scars that run two inches wide and nine inches long parallel on each shoulder blade. **Her wings have been torn off. I never worked out if was a punishment or not.**

He’s never asked.

She’s glad. She doesn’t know what she’d say.

So she kisses down his chest, swirls her tongue over the ridges of his stomach, across to his sides where he’s most sensitive, listening to his breathing quicken, feeling him shiver under her hands.

She tries to be everything to Sam, like the Other, like Dean would. She knows that Dean fed Sam, clothed Sam, went to Sam’s school plays and sports days. She knows Dean soothed his hurts and made him smile. **Dean was everything to Sam. And Sam was everything to Dean. So Jess must be too.**

She can do this. It’s what she was made for, to be a Placeholder until Dean can return to Sam. His dick is blunt against her cunt as Sam pulls her up, he doesn’t want to wait any longer. She can feel his fingers along her scars.

She wonders what John thought of Mary’s and if he ever asked. She wonders what Mary told him. How she tried to twist the truth, because he couldn’t know the truth, but he mustn’t be lied to, either. **I found this bit heartbreaking to write, when she’s wondering about Mary, who’s gone before her. They have so little time and she knows how it’s going to end. Will Sam think of her the way John thinks of Mary.**

Sam pushes in, gently, so not to hurt her. She arches up against him as her flesh parts and spreads before him, sensation searing out across her skin. Sam’s watching her face as he moves, so beautifully slowly and she wonders what he sees. He looks so reverent as he watches her. **I love the way they treat women. Like they are something on a pedestal. Maybe it’s because they weren’t raised with a female influence and Mary took on a holy status in their family. They are very much the epitome of the ideal man.**

Like she’s something holy.

She’s just a placeholder, something to keep him on the right path and set him on his way when the time comes. **Jess being reminded of her place.**

She hopes it’s quick. She kisses Sam likes she’s dying. One day she will. **She’s so scared.**

That night, she hears clattering and banging in the living room and turns on the light. _Oh Dear God, he’s here!_

“Sam?” she speaks, voice steady, she can’t believe it’s so steady. It’s bizarre. **She always knows the right thing to say**

He looks so much like her, like both of her. They made her well. She’s not just got his swagger, she’s got his looks. For Heaven’s sake, she doesn’t even get to have her own birthday. **Well she doesn’t.**

“Your brother, Dean?” _Smile, don’t forget to smile._ **Forced to play a role.**

“I gotta tell you, you are _way_ outta my brother’s league.” **There’s that line!**

You’re the reason for that.

She wonders if Dean has parallel scars upon his back, but he probably just takes after the flesh of his mother. **There’s a lot of meta that Dean is an angel and in wingfic, he tends to get the wings. I reckon it’s because he’s blond. My blond son desperately wants to be Joseph every Nativity. He’s always Gabriel.** Even They have no control over the genetics of their children. **For the record, I don’t think Dean is an angel. I do however believe that Sam and Dean are Nephilim on Mary’s side.**

She makes a token protest, because she’s supposed to do that, but doesn’t seriously prevent him from going. She isn’t sure if she’d win an ultimatum. She suspects she wouldn’t and it’s not her right. **She didn’t fight very hard, did she? Why not?**

She hopes it will be quick.

Why Sam?

His nightmares ask and he searches for a reason. But Sam’s not the one she’s asking.

She wants him to ask her. But it’s too late now. The Other has returned to Sam’s side like he never left and she means nothing. But that’s her lot. She was merely a placeholder and her place no longer needs to be held. **Jess was the driving force while Sam was grieving, but now, he’s hunting for himself, because it’s a noble thing to do and maybe it will help him the defeat the ticking timebomb he feels himself to be. Jess was the catalyst, but Sam has returned to his rightful place in in life with Dean as his balance, his other half. Nothing will ever get in the way of the central relationship.**

I was going to write a companion fic, when I struck by how Meg seemed to have Dean’s more overt qualities, and that she turned up when Sam was apart from Dean. It was like they were trying to replace him. So it followed that maybe Jess had been a replacement for Dean and maybe they’d tried before. Jess had been Good’s successful attempt. Maybe Evil had had a go.

But then I decided that this fic was fine in it’s own right and it certianly drew enough comments and made a fics rec list. I’m proud of that.


End file.
